I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize