My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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