She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
