Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
