i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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