i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
