At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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