Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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