I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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