I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
