I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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