My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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