i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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