once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
