you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
