phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
