New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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