Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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