Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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