Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
