i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
it was like his penis was on wheels.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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