Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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