Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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