1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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