I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
