This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
