I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
