id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Randomize
