Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize