You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
