Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
