First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
