We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We need a shit load of segways right now
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
