Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So many bounce houses so little time
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
