his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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