I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
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