There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
