Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
that is very illegal...i love you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
