I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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