sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
