tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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