Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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