I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
