I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My vagina is very pro this idea
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
