you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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