We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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