I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
