dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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