i love accidental penises.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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