I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
