i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
