I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
