I hope mine doesn't look like that
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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