Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
