I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
