MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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