see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Couch. On fire.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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