I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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