so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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