So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
