Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
