I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
