you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
