I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
