honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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